Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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