That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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