"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
