wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
