god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
