the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
