I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
