I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize