When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She even gives head with a lisp.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
