my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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