giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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