i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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