if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
