i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
