Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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