...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
