Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
