I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
