in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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