you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
