I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
