Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
