those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Randomize
