I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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