He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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