I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
