Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
