Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
