Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
