You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
