Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
