You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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