Will you blow on my dice?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
