season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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