hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
