fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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