I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
