would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
