batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Never underestimate the power of titties
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
