Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
