Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
