The maid of honor just puked.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
