Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
