New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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