if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
