Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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