If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
