Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
