I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
