Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
