So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
