I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
