no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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