Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
