I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
