Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
