Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
