I wish I could punch you in the face.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
