Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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