return my video game
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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