Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
