We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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