I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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