Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
