So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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