I met the friendliest cop last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
