hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize