someone owes me an orgasm
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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